not just a laundry list of issues

2010-08-18T13:54:00.003+08:00

dear mark walls,

i'm looking for you. i'm hoping you see this page, and that you're looking for me too.

i'm still using the same email address from years gone by.

simply_bewitching@hotmail.com

find me, fast.

2006-03-15T01:18:00.000+08:00

on hiatus.

i lost my muse.

2006-03-13T22:56:00.000+08:00

cellphone-less till wednesday - boo.

you and i both

2006-03-09T12:36:00.000+08:00

-cries- the jason mraz concert tickets are sold out!

anyone who's in possession of any and suddenly needs to attend their cousin's wedding or their spouse's boss' dinner or something they can't miss for mr mraz? anyone, anyone?

+

yes my walls continually change, and yes i'm just like a maze.

but you aren't the boy holding his heart out on the palm of his hand on my steps.

quote of the day

2006-03-07T13:25:00.000+08:00

nise: -points to the croquette on the conveyor belt- do you wanna try this? it's potato.
aishah: is it like bergedil?
nise: -looks at aishah weird and bursts out laughing-
aishah: what! bergedils are fried too!

counting the stars

2006-03-06T21:58:00.000+08:00

happiest 18th(+1, hehe) birthday, my twin queen

trees have rings and thicker branches
kids shoes get a little tighter
every year we're getting closer to who we're gonna be

spent the day with thegirlwhoturnedayearolder - and is now halfway to 38, i might add, hehehe - and it was more than well worth the 14 bandages, closetoburstingwithsushi tummy, and torture in killer heels. :)

you know that quote, you're only as old as you feel? heh - apparently, aish and i fall under the age bracket 2 - 6 years old. toys 'r' us fascinated us for close to an hour, as we (okay, just ME) hugged every cushy toy we found in the plush friends section, oooh-and-aaahed over the fisherprice/sesamestreet infant&toddler range(that was aish! that was aish!) and had a swordfight, complete with lights and sounds, in the middle of the boys' action toys aisle. :) and check out my swanky bachelorette pad. it's cozy, only for the low low price of $147, and it's even got it's own stove! too bad it doesn't work - boo.

the thing with killer heels is that, most of the time, they are absolutely gorgeous. i guess it's meant to make up for the reason that they hurt like fuck. even a ton of bandages in specific painzones did little to help - coupled with my lack of stamina for wearing heels, i was pretty much in pain after 3 hours. :) thank godness for payday and my atm card, though, coz i got new shoes, yay! pointy toe flats with ankle straps... i love shoes. i do i do i do.

then it was off for a sushi buffett at sakae. and we really did put the buffett in sushi buffett because at the end of the one and a half hours, we'd both had 28 plates of sushi (or so) between us both. and eeucchhh, aishah eats wasabi with her sushi and she likes sashimi! aishah is also evil, because her birthday wish was for me to eat pickled ginger and raw squid. eeeeuuuccchhhhhhhh. nearly retched, but they charge for food wastage.

:) all in all, two happy girls with extra baggage for tonight.

happy birthday again aishah, i love you.

party for two

2006-03-04T21:11:00.000+08:00

and there are times i wished you weren't so far away, that you were here for me to call up without worrying about longdistance call charges, to ask out on a date, to pick clothes out with over the phone, to talk about everything and anything.

i wish i was a better friend - that i was better, much better at keeping in touch, at writing you an email every other day, asking you how you are, how's your day, and letting you in on the random things that fill my day, the things that i do to replace the empty parts i have in me because i miss you. but it's not really me - because it seems so cold, so distant, and i'm not entirely a huge fan of impersonality.

whatever it is, know that i love you - even when im hardly replying your instant messages. :) here's to our ultimate goal of sharing saggy boobs, arthitis and grey hair years together.

2006-03-04T12:55:00.000+08:00

shit.

she better not go to SMU too.

dirty little secrets

2006-03-03T23:53:00.000+08:00

:) backstreet boys, cookie dough and whipped cream make nisa a happy girl.

+

today, i found out that my brother has a girlfriend - okay not found out, confirmed that he has a girlfriend, and that he's already had his first kiss. in fact, he kisses the girl every morning in class before school starts. their song is tiger lily by mbr, she calls him khaiyuuu (kinda rhymes with the sound i made before i retched), they text each other non-stop and my brother tags muaks* on her tagboard every night. and my sister? she's got guys my age going after her.

great.

my brother the hot jock on campus.
my sister the hot girl every other guy wants to date.

my fate is freaking sealed - give me ten years, and i'll be the bitter, lonely cat lady who leaves 2 floors above you.

+

reading that back - hahaha. perhaps i've already achieved the bitter part.

but seriously, i know i should be all bigsister-ish, and tell my brother it's wrong; that he's hardly 14, that he'll have time for all of this later on in life, that he should enjoy being a kid first and all the cliche bullsteamydoodoo that i'd been fed with.

i know if the parental unit hear about this, they'll go ballistic - my dad especially coz it's happening right under his nose, them being in the same school and all, but i'll keep this to myself (and blogsphere now, it seems. heh) and let him make the mistake, if it is one. alright, maybe i'll intervene when he starts asking me for my id to buy condoms (crude, but true), but honestly, he'll never learn how much love can hurt if he was reined; he needs to feel the rush and the inevitable fall for himself too. what i tell him is secondperson - love is subjective and it's never the same for any two people. besides, i have his back if he falls backwards.

i only hope he knows.

burn for you

2006-03-03T21:49:00.000+08:00

it's been a flurry of phonecalls, texts and instant messages the past 2 days. they're all the same how-did-you-do?, congratulations!, where you going? - all in the same sequence, all answered with the same "i got b-b-c, thank you, and uni Y."

then there's silence on the other line, a pause, a heartbeat, then, why not uni X!? why uni Y!?
inwardly i say, why the hell not.

it's fine that other people say it, it is. but it sucks when people you think would trust you to be able to make your own decision tell you the same thing, that you have to think about being "practical" and "apply to the real world" and question not only the vibes and the chills you get from stepping onto its grounds, but the integrity of an up-and-coming university that's been known for its hands-on approach, its appeal to creativity.

you already decided for me 6 years ago, and again, 2 years ago.
it's my turn.

perhaps i'm just misdirecting anger.
perhaps i'm just having pms. (oh the perks of being a girl!)
perhaps i'm tired from the full day i had at work and tuition.

whatever it was, it was discouraging, and of all the people in the world, you should know how that feels.

just watch the fireworks

2006-03-02T22:30:00.000+08:00

wow...

we did it.

kudos to everyone and anyone who survived junior college days, and though we don't come out unscathed, our battle scars are worth every fight we put up the past years. to those who came out a little more banged up than the rest of us, don't give up - trying again is half the war won.

everyone backs my heart at war

with all the plans i had before

i'm losing my grip but i'd lose it all for you

i go driving all around and i'm denying

all the sounds that hit my ear

drum the beat of a heart i can't defeat

let me in;

i'm already in over my head inside.

you ask me to leave you behind, to move on and now that i have, you walk away.

you made us conscious

2006-02-28T01:21:00.000+08:00

it's way past my bedtime.

i can't sleep because;

i'm worried about wednesday.
i'm craving a mushroom swiss double, fries and a coke.
i've got caden's song stuck in my head.
i've got an unfinished song weighing heavy on my heart.
and i'm worried about wednesday.

i keep envisioning it in my head, that dreaded day of doom, and it makes me quake in my socks.

they say hope for the best, but i'll do better. much better.

i'll brace myself for the worst.

like a duck

2006-02-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

calm on the surface, paddling like crazy underwater.

if you tried, you could describe me in more than just a couple of words, of which would primarily be unemployed, rather broke, single and lonely.

now add fucking anxious to the list and voila! it's nisa in 7 words.

1st march.

last week, it meant the start of a new season of the amazing race (i am a reality tv whore) and the fort minor concert.
as from 6:04pm today, it meant doom.

i hope the dream i had about ms chua pulling me aside and saying to me, "i told you so. i told you you shouldn't have done it" is just a manifestation of my duck's frantic paddling.

no amount of soggy bread is gonna make me feel better right now.

well, maybe ben and jerry.

four too many

2006-02-21T22:10:00.000+08:00

4 jobs I've had
- sales supervisor
- sales personnel
- tutor
- unpaid domestic helper

4 movies I can watch over and over
- LOTR trilogy
- Legally Blonde 1 & 2
- 50 First Dates
- Just Like Heaven

4 places I've lived
- kelabu lima, taman pelangi, johor bahru
- commonwealth crescent, singapore
- bukit panjang, singapore
- woodlands, singapore

4 TV shows I love
- one tree hill
- grey's anatomy
- CSI
- the fairly oddparents

4 places I've vacationed
- bintan
- rawa island
- every malaysian state, except perlis, sabah and sarawak
- the thai-malaysian border for one night

4 of my favorite dishes
- anything homecooked and served with love
- any pasta in white sauce
- beef hor fun
- fish and chips

4 sites I visit daily
which, contrary to popular belief, isn't porn, sorry to disappoint
- cnn international
- purevolume.com
- audiolunchbox.com
- users.livejournal.com/_ignoretherain/friends/

4 places I'd rather be right now
- with aishah somewhere, shopping
- with victoria in melbourne, shopping
- rawa island, lying on the sand
- under my covers

4 people you want to tag
- victoria
- aishah

shimmer

2006-02-20T19:36:00.000+08:00

there's just something about alternative and acoustic rock that make them two of my choices of carthatisis, alongside country. i can't decide if it's the guitar riffs, the raw lyrics or the throaty lead vocals that addict me so.

here are 10 of my favourite alternative/acoustic tracks of the moment:

blind - lifehouse
ever the same - rob thomas
i saw - matt nathanson
wherever you will go - the calling
far away - nickelback
fall baby fall - ryan cabrera
work - jimmy eat world
missing you - tyler hilton
idle acres - the belles
she talks to angels - the black crowes

we'll recover

2006-02-20T06:58:00.000+08:00

men are weird creatures. i wonder why God made them so completely warped. there's always some irking flaw about them.

allow me to demonstrate:

if he's goodlooking, he has roving eyes.
if he's rich, he's self-absorbed.
if he's nice, he's secretly pervy and wants something.
if he's sweet, he'll stop calling after a while.
if he's romantic, he doesn't mean what he says.
if he's a good guy, he's probably as bland as cardboard.
if he's got a good personality, his teeth arent half as nice.
if he's too perfect for words, he's either gay (not that that's an irking flaw because gay people rock my socks), scared of committment, or is geographically unattainable (you know i'm talking abt you, jake gyllenhal)

note: the above list is highly permuatable, and exists in various combinations and variations.

alright, i'm overgeneralizing to the max - but you get what i mean. there's always something wrong with them that acts like a total anti-climax, and leaves you disappointed.

+

i can't remember the last time you loved me. i counted the days since you left - 96. then you come back, and i think everything will be alright again but then you tell me you're scared, and goodbye, and take me back to 1.

the beautiful end

2006-02-18T20:30:00.000+08:00

muse, you are, and will always be my goddess.

+

thank you for denouncing all the trappings of love - i think i know the reason why they call them trappings now; for being my friend, my confidante, my personal cheerleader, my soulmate, even if only for a while. i apologize for not being whom you thought me to be, wanted me to be; that i couldn't be the person you could count on, that i couldn't be the bigger person in this. because i don't want to be reminded everyday why i'm still stuck in the moment i want so bad to get out off. and if that's selfish, then let me be, for to you, i've always been, and always will be.

it's already over, so it might as well be my fault.

view from heaven

2006-02-16T16:26:00.000+08:00

i hate goodbyes, even though i know they're not all permanent.

the bestie left yesterday, and hugging her at the airport, i wanted to tell her i didn't want her to leave. i didn't get to spend half as much time with her as i wanted to. then again, i wouldn't trade any of the days spent with her for anything else in the world. t-minus 9 months to her coming home.

i'm sorry i made you cry when i sang you sad love songs. i promise i'll sing you happy ones when you come home. till then, please be good, please be strong. take care, and, as always, save me some cute boys. :)

+

spent the rest of post-goodbyevictoria with sindhu and aishah. first stop, mcdonalds for breakfast.

you know how people say that your life flashes before you just before you die? people, they were lying. really. they really were, because all i was thinking about when i was choking on that damn egg mcmuffin was "oh my god, what the hell is it that sindhu said that was so funny that it's making me choke on my food. and damn, my cough better get better by this weekend."

i know you're laughing - near-death experience at macdonalds, the place where it only costs you $4 for happiness. fucking hilarious... the most unassuming place ever to die. i can almost imagine it:

people: hey, i heard nisa died.
other people: yeah, she died choking on her egg mcmuffin at the mcdonalds at changi airport

note to self: chew before you laugh.

photograph

2006-02-14T23:14:00.000+08:00

saturday didnt go as planned, but spending the rest of the day (okay, till 2pm) with the twin queen and the slenger was good. breeks, pool... :) and blackmail pics of aziz.

:) i accept cash and cheque, aziz.

falls on me

2006-02-11T18:02:00.000+08:00

today, idol fever begins in singapore. but i caught a whole different fever all together - the viral kind, invited by her kind friends, stuffed nose and laryngitis.

there goes the dream.

jittery

2006-02-11T00:19:00.000+08:00

i should be asleep.

i cant help it. ive got flutterbys in my tummy.

vindicated

2006-02-10T18:38:00.000+08:00

well, its the eve of the auditions and my voice hasn't gotten better - it's actually gotten worse, and i can barely hear myself because my ears always get blocked when i have laryngitis, so much so a doctor once rendered me temporarily partially deaf when i had acute laryngitis. if you're wondering what this all effectively means, well, it effectively means i might not be able to sing tomorrow, which, in turn, effectively means i might not go for the auditions.

bummer.

chances are

2006-02-09T23:00:00.000+08:00

in so many ways, i'm a little stronger, a little better, a little less bitter, so much so i can be the friend you want me, need me to be.

but conversations with you are slightly awkward nowadays, i must say - to pretend it's okay, we're okay. it starts off well, we're laughing, and it feels comfortable again. but really, the ease is flitting, because it fizzles off towards the end, and it leaves me so cold i swear i'll catch a chill.

you say you miss me, but its not the same way i do you. but we both know love isn't even on the cards - its not even at the back of your mind.

it's strange how things change, but not me wanting you so desperately.

+

argh. i want to rip my throat out.

unwell

2006-02-09T21:03:00.000+08:00

:( laryngitis 2 days before auditions.

just f-ing great.

can i touch you... there?

2006-02-08T23:28:00.000+08:00

:) i am a happy girl in love.

ryan, my smouldering hottie, aish says. yeah he's sexy alright. i love the way it feels when i touch him... ooh la la!

pictures of the new boyfriend soon.

breathe in for luck

2006-02-07T22:11:00.001+08:00

i would be lying to you if i told you i wasnt disappointed that you stopped calling, stopped texting, stopped leaving me offline messages.

you said you loved me, that it'd kill you for you to think that you made me cry. so really, tell me. whats the deal, because i'm not waiting another day for you to explain yourself.

+

i'm not really one to be political or take sides, but the denmark vs the muslim world thing is reaching fever pitch. i mean, lurpak alone is losing millions of bucks in a single day - $1.8 to be exact, and counting. definitely counting.

yes, we all love a laugh or two, but really, the west - denmark and the other european countries who reprinted that cartoon - should reconsider their "sense of humour" and "press freedom". i don't think it'll be as funny if someone were to do the same thing to, say, jesus christ. honestly, i think sensitive issues are sensitive issues for a reason and freedom of speech shouldn't even be called into play as a trump card. i mean, if that's the real basis as to the publication of that infamous cartoon, then it validates racism, doesn't it? and don't say we don't understand freedom of speech - we value freedom in islam too, but we also value, and practice, responsibility. so i believe before you point fingers at our supposed inability to go with the times, take a look at your purely idealistic concepts of democracy.

besides, the cartoons had their misconceptions, especially the fact that he was portrayed as advocating terrorist activities ("not enough virgins for suicide bombers") and violent means of spreading the word.

brief islamic history lesson - when the prophet rode into mecca with his army following a bloodshed by the quraysh on his people during a battle, even though they said they had an agreement that there wouldn't be any, many quraysh hid in their homes, afraid of the prophet's wrath, believing he would seek revenge. upon his arrival, however, bilal (one of the prophet's men and a former slave whom he'd saved from death) cried out to the people, "you can come out, you are safe. we will not hurt you." and mind you, in Al-Baqarah; 2:190, it states surely Allah loves not the aggressors. violent much? i don't think so.

honestly though, i miss my lurpak.

such great heights

2006-02-06T09:04:00.000+08:00

i love the backstreet boys, and these chinese boys i came across online seem to love them too.

as long as you love me... click

hi-fucking-larious.

burn one down

2006-02-05T22:52:00.000+08:00

20 songs has been reduced to one.

i think there's something abt 80's soft rock that makes it so goddamn addictive.

joey, by concrete blonde. if you don't love it, i don't know what's wrong with you.

better together

2006-02-04T22:41:00.000+08:00

the parentals are back with stories, newfound faith, pictures and 14kg of dates and i'm glad, thankful - that they're safe, that they've fulfilled their duty as humble servants to God; pilgrims home from a journey of renewal and a return to wide-eyed wonder.

the only thing that's wiggin' me out ever since they got back is - wait for it - talk of a new addition to the family. i'm not talking about another cat... i'm talking abt a baby. yeah you heard right... baby. oh you know, that little person-like thing that sleeps all day and wails half the night. lordy, they even have a name for the baby, presuming it's a boy - khalil, so that he matches the rest of us: khairunnisa, khairuddin and khaliesah.

yowza. a teensy bit scary - we all know i might have to play surrogate mother. god, ill be 20 if there's a new addition, and i'll be going through a midlife crisis when they finally get to watch a r21 movie. : scary scary scary scary thought.

i guess i'll keep you posted on the baby front in the azman's, should there be one... watch this space.

oh i'm sprouting goosebumps.

sing me sweet

2006-02-04T13:07:00.000+08:00

i'm really not the kind to put a song on repeat, but lately, i can't help myself.

here's 20 songs i really can't get enough of:

you wanted more - tonic
steady as we go - the dave matthews band
suspended - matt nathanson
for blue skies - strays dont sleep
sway - the perishers
wake up - three days grace
ever the same - rob thomas
blind - lifehouse
missing you - tyler hilton
joey - concrete blonde
other side of the world - kt tunstall
hurricane - something corporate
far away - nickelback
crawling back to you - the backstreet boys
back where i was - the hereafter
fools like me - lisa loeb
taylor - jack johnson
so fucking sweet - howie day
split screen sadness - john mayer
work - jimmy eat world

between a rock and a hard place

2006-02-02T16:58:00.000+08:00

i hate having to decide between two things i wanna do equally bad:

a) catching the dave matthews band in melbourne on the 21st of march and meeting up with a good friend and the bestie
b) second round of singapore idol auditions on the 16th through the 20th of march and a once-in-a-lifetime shot at being more than you ever dreamt you could be

alright, granted. im probably counting my chickens, considering that the first round of auditions are only next saturday and i most probably might suck ass. but really, name me one person who isn't hoping they won't get to the next round.

melbourne.
singapore idol.
shopping with vic.
singapore idol.
dave matthews with caden.
singapore idol.

i guess i'll cross the bridge when it comes, if it comes.

the quiet things that no one knows

2006-02-02T00:24:00.000+08:00

there was a hole in my world, where you used to be, and every night, i fell right into it and back to the bottom in tears.

i don't miss you as much anymore.

+

someone pinch me. is it freaking february already? and so comes the whole onslaught of l-o-v-e.

its less than 2 weeks left to the (supposedly) most romantic day of the year - valentine's day. the mini-cynic is me is completely denouncing the whole thing as a very clever commercial guise to get people to spend more on unneccessary things. i mean, have you seen the freaking prices from the start of february right up to post-14th?

alright, fine. i won't even try to deny that it just a little bitterness talking, since i might be spending the (supposedly) most romantic day of the year alone - boo. i would ask victoria out, but i think she has a date, and chances are, aishah will probably get asked out - double boo. so it probably is just me all alone - boo boo boo.

such nonsense floating around in my head at 1am. no wonder i never get to sleep.

breakdown

2006-02-01T11:41:00.000+08:00

listening to: bartender - keri noble

i thought crazy frog was annoying, then they came up with schnappi or something crappy like that. but i'm telling you, spyware, adware and viruses just take the freaking cake. rendering my computer useless in a mere 5 mins, even though i had an anti-virus program, the bugs made me spend the rest of monday night and my whole tuesday reformatting my whole system.

got the same problem? here's some stuff you might want to try to make your computer less suspectible to such annoying inections, on top of a anti-virus program:

- a second firewall, because the one that comes with windows xp is really not strong enough. two firewalls of choice are peerguardian (freeware) and blackice by iss.
- an antispyware program, because anti-virus programs are mainly built to deal with viruses, not adware and spyware bugs. microsoft antispyware (beta) is free and the absolute bestest and safest.

little victories

2006-01-30T18:43:00.000+08:00

the lift doors open and immediately, i feel at home, even though im still a few feet away from the warmth inside.

its the first time in a long time that i dont feel like im looking from the outside in. accompanied by boisterous laughter some of us will swear can be heard from 11 floors below, the familiar smells of curry, grilled chicken and roti prata greet me. little cousins who seem to grow a little more everytime we meet rush up for a hug, a cradle swing. i kiss hands, and say my hellos, my how-are-yous, we're-holding-up-okay, yes-we-miss-them-all-them-time. we talk, we eat, we laugh, followed by promises of support, banners and votes at my revealing of idol hopes.

then i glow, inside out. things will change, but not this. not the comfort, not the love, not the bonds - not family.

it's been a while

2006-01-28T16:38:00.000+08:00

it feels good to be back - let's catch up a little, shall we?

the new year's been treating me alright.

year-old wounds are slowly healing.
i might be falling in love - i'll leave tht up to venus.
i'm gradually becoming the domestic goddess i never thought i would be - albeit the burning of holes in 2 shirts and overlyoily fried rice.
i'm writing songs again.

yeah it's all looking up, and it feels pretty good.

they were right.
the new year is another chance at getting it right - whatever it means.

return to the future

2006-01-28T16:29:00.000+08:00

wow, talk abt hiatus.

watch this space - i know i missed it. :)